Celebrity Fit Snub

Working an odd schedule–overnights, in particular–is hell on the human body. There was no way for me to maintain a regular health regimen while working a lunar schedule. If I had no other commitments outside of work, it might have been possible, but I have a pretty active and (happily) demanding personal life that kicks in the second I leave the “office.”

The big problem was that overnights kept me away from running in a big way. One year ago, I was running 25-30 miles a week. These days, well, not so much. As a result, I’ve gained about 10 pounds since January. Since I’m on a different type of challenging schedule these days (3:30 a.m. wake ups), I haven’t quite figured out how to work health–or running–back into my life.

I had a “quick fix” idea last week–a fad diet. I’d never considered it before, but I decided to try Dr. Ian from Celebrity Fit Club’s nine day detox plan. If Big Pussy was able to shed some pounds, then damn it all, so could I. I bought Dr. Ian’s poorly-articulated and ironically content-anorexic book, “Fat Smash,” and threw myself into the idea of detoxing my body. Nothing but fruits and veggies, some tofu, beans, and yogurt–and not a trace of caffeine–for nine days. I enjoy all those things, and they’re all part of my regular diet as a vegetarian, but the idea of living exclusively off them for the foreseeable future was a frightening one. I went to Dominick’s and loaded up. $150 later, I had a fridge jammed with asparagus, tofu, green beans, and honeydew. Day one–Apple, banana, yogurt, and oatmeal for breakfast. Lots of water. Lunch–beans and pineapple. Lots of water. Dinner–tofu, portabellas, and onions in a near-dry skillet. Some watermelon on the side. Dessert–yogurt. Day two–Apple, banana, yogurt for breakfast. And then for lunch/brunch? Cinnamon apple Belgian waffles, hash browns, two cups of coffee and a large orange juice. Game over.

First and foremost, it’s impossible to wake up at 3:30 every day and forego caffeine. Not only is it impossible, it’s inhuman. Second, fad diets are ridiculous. I know how to lose weight–exercise and eat better. That’s my next plan.

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