Dewey Decimal System of a Down

I love going to the library. In fact, I probably go once or twice a week. While I love to read, I just don’t think it makes sense to buy a new hardcover book for $15-$25 if I never plan on reading it again. That’s where the library saves the day. On a related note: My book will be softcover, and well worth the cover price.

This week I picked up “I Killed,” by Ritch Shydner and Mark Schiff, a collection of road stories from America’s top stand-up comics. There are some extremely funny stories and lines in there. For instance, Bob Saget offers this:
“The owner told me I was going to follow the last stripper. So I was in the wings watching this girl, and suddenly she set her ***** **** and her ******* on fire. I don’t think she actually lit anything on fire–she had some kind of a prothetic ***** shield, like Lee Marvin’s nose in Cat Ballou.”

It’s funnier without the asterisks, but you get the idea.

The main problem I’ve found with library books is the mongrels who read them before me. I’d have to guess that one out of every four books I read has something that most certainly is a booger plastered to one of the pages. When I see a foreign object like that, I pick my rented book up with hazmat tongs, take it to the bathroom, and remove said object with a tissue. I can’t for the life of me figure out why people feel the need to mark their territory like that. Maybe it’s the anonymity of it all, kinda how all bets are off in an airport bathroom.

Boogers and desecrated books aside, there’s nothing better than the library. I’m in my second renewal period for “Black Order,” by James Rollins, and I swear this is going to be the week I finish it!

Another great secret about libraries is the CD section. There’s no better way to stock your computer up with guilty pleasures than the free CD rentals your library offers. Not-so-guilty pleasure are readily available, too. I just borrowed discs by Bob Mould, Feist, and the Kinks in the past month or so.

See you in the stacks.

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