Let’s pork…

I got scammed into watching the Academy Awards last night. The only thing that kept it interesting for me was pretending that Wolverine hosted it, the Joker won, the Green Goblin’s son presented, and that Iron Man was nominated. Catwoman was on stage, too, but I try not to acknowledge that movie.

Earlier in the day, I went to my local fruit market for a produce trip. Fruits and veggies run about 1/3 less there than at Dominick’s and Jewel.

Walking down the meat aisle, I saw shelves of items that would’ve sent my once-vegetarian self sprinting for a barf bag. There, mixed among conventional cuts (strip steak, chicken breast) were beef hearts. Kidneys. Chicken feet. And a flattened pig’s face.

I could explain everything except for the pig’s face. It looked like someone had tied a pig down and then dropped a grand piano on its snout. What recipe calls for pig face? I’m sure this is my cultural ignorance speaking, but is there a group of people who celebrate its delicacy? The only practical use for pig face that I can imagine is for practical jokes.

Here’s an example scenario: Your dick-of-a-roommate has asked you to disappear for the night so that he can make dinner for his girlfriend. Before you head out, you remove all essentials from the fridge and replace them with rows of pig faces. Hilarity ensues, or at least en-SOOEY!-s.


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