Pray for me.

This morning’s commute was punishing, a slow-plodding 70-minute surge through a relentless rush hour rainstorm.  I was at a dead stop near Belmont, headed south on Lake Shore Drive, when I saw this Twitter “tweet” from my friend AJ:

Rain + Lakeshore drive = disaster

That was exciting for me to read, as I was essentially parked on the Drive.  Misery loves company, so it was good to know that she was stuck there, too!  I replied to her via Twitter:

Oh. My. God. I’m on LSD, too. Stuck at Belmont, praying for the sweet release of death.

Within a minute, my cell phone rang.  It was AJ.  “Did you see who just ‘retweeted’ what you wrote?” she asked. 
“No, who?”
“The Prayer Network.”
“Who are they?” I asked, confused.
“I don’t know, but it’s hilarious.”

Some organization called the Prayer Network had “retweeted” my message about praying for the sweet release of death.  I must have set off an automatic trigger they had set up somehow, somewhere, to find and repost any tweets relating to prayer.  My tweet, of course, had nothing to do with the good Lord, faith, or actual prayer.  It had to do with me facetiously begging for death’s stygian grip.  So much for quality control.

Before I started work, I looked at the Prayer Network’s stream.  The tweets were depressingly heavy messages of desperation and hopelessness.  And then there was my message sandwiched in between them.  What dumbasses would post content in their name, on their Twitter page, sight unseen, I wondered.  I also wondered if I could make them do it again.  I sent another Tweet, using the words “God” and “prayer,” hoping that those were the magic words that would promote my message to their site: 

The
Prayer Network retweeted my post where I “prayed for the sweet release
of death.” Trying again: God, I’m praying for sex/booze/drugs.

Fail.  Nothing.  So I tried once more:

Last try didn’t fool the RT-ers. Filters, perhaps? Another attempt to fool them: Praying for MGD, meth, and lapdances.

I got some funny @ replies from friends and strangers, including:

You’re still alive. I suppose this means that prayer doesn’t work. Unless, of course, sex/booze/drugs suddenly appear.

Perhaps the Prayer Network thought you were on the… other LSD. Either way, you’re totally getting prayers from strangers.

Praying that my @jamesvanosdol will break free from the chains of meth and porn and lapdances. Please God don’t let me go down with him!

The nature of Twitter allows anything you create to be shared, regurgitated, and commented on instantly.  But just because things can be instant doesn’t mean they should be.   I pray that the Prayer Network starts screening what they put on their feed.   RT!

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