The Two Worst Movies Out Right Now: A Chart

I went to two movies this weekend: G.I. Joe: Retaliation and Olympus Has Fallen. They were both terrible … like, you’re an absolute schmuck if you go to see them, terrible. Making matters worse? They’re essentially the exact same movie.

Consider this checklist:

  G.I. Joe      Olympus Has Fallen
Movie opens with established conflict in North Korea   Yes   Yes
White House infiltrated and taken over by an insidious enemy   Yes   Yes
All of America’s nukes in danger of exploding   Yes   Yes
U.S. President is replaced for most of the movie   Yes   Yes
Lots of shooting   Yes   Yes
Ninja action   Yes   No
Is actually “Die Hard” without Bruce Willis   No   Yes
Has Bruce Willis, star of “Die Hard”   Yes   No
Has an adorable child in a supporting role   Yes   Yes
Has more than one actor who has appeared in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy   No   Yes
Has an actress who recently starred in an unsuccessful Wonder Woman pilot   Yes   No
Has the leader of the Wu-Tang Clan   Yes   No

So much for new ideas.

Cobra Comm

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